tullos.org \o/

At nine a.m. on Sunday, Troy hunkered down in bed trying to sleep off the depression from the game. His mom banged on the door, "Troy, telephone."
"Who is it?"
"I don't know. It's a girl," she said as Troy shuffled through his dresser to find gym shorts and a t-shirt. "I knew that would wake you up," she said jokingly.
"Gimme a second," Troy said, a bit annoyed.
"Hurry up Troy. She's not at the door. She's on the phone."
"If you'd let me have my extra phone line you wouldn't have this problem." Troy said as he opened the door.
"If you wouldn't call 900 hundred numbers you would have the extra line," Troy's mom said as she cupped her hand over the mouth piece.
Troy grabbed the phone and rolled his eyes at his mom. His mom just stared at him and smiled. "What are you doing?" He whispered. "Go away. Shoo!"
"Why is it that I'm always the last one to know about these girls?"
"Please."
His mom relented and headed back toward the kitchen.
"Hello."
"Uh... Troy. This is Kamden."
"Kamden?"
"I know you probably don't know me that well. I'm a freshman. I was at that party a few months ago. The one that you crashed at Debbie's house."
"Debbie McAllister's house?" Troy asked.
"Debbie Archer's house."
"Right, so what's this all about?"
"Well-"
"Hey I remember now. You're the blonde haired JV cheerleader, aren't you?"
"Right."
Troy continued the conversation with new interest and curiosity. "How's everything?" he said with stiff congeniality. He had no idea why this girl was calling him. But he could only hope.
"Can I see you sometime, Troy? I want to talk to you."
"Sure. You pick the place and I'm there."
"How about today. This afternoon."
"Is this some kind of prank?" Troy asked.
Kamden didn't miss a beat. "No. It's not a prank. I just want to talk to you."
"Sure. I'm open. How about at one. Where would you like to meet?"
"Can you meet me at the Medical Center Park by the pond?" Kamden asked.
"Sure," Troy repied.
"I'll see you there."
"Thanks, Troy."
"Kamden? What's this all about?"
There was a moment of silence on the other side of the phone. "I just want to see you."
"OK. I'm all yours," Troy said with a smile. He hung up the phone, wondering why. Why would this freshman who had never talked to her before call him?

That afternoon, Troy made his way to the Medical Center park. The rains that blanketed most of central Indiana were no more. It was a beautiful day outside. As he drove across town to the park he watched as the churches emptied and cars headed home from worship and mass. Troy went to church sporadically and mainly for social reasons. His parents stopped going years ago. He vaguely remembered going to church with his parents when he was four or five but as his parents became more and more successful in the business world, the more church faded into the background. Troy's Dad had a bad experience with the leadership of the church. He saw inconsistency in ethics and a general disregard for people in the churches he'd attended, considered it pointless. For his parents Sunday morning was a time to sleep in, drink coffee and watch CNN. Nothing more.
After circling the park, he found Kamden sitting on a park bench looking straight ahead. Troy could sense her preoccupation the moment their eyes met. She forced a smile, "Hey Troy."
"Hey mystery girl."
He casually eased his arm around her shoulder on the bench, testing the waters. Kamden countered by standing up and walking away.
"OK, you're not moved by my charm."
"Nope."
"So... You called the meeting. What's up?"
"It's about Susan."
"Susan?"
"Susan Stedham."
"That's the girl who died in an accident a few days ago."
"Right."
"What was her deal? Word has it that she slammed into the tree to kill herself. Pulled a ?Cobain.'"
"She was a good friend of mine. Probably my best friend. She was a couple years older than me so I really looked up to her."
Silence. Troy's demeanor changed. "I'm sorry. I didn't know you were close to her-"
"Do you remember much about that party at Debbie's house?" Kamden asked.
"That was last summer and I wasn't as straight as I am now. To tell you the truth, I remember going but I was pretty smashed by the time I got there."
"Don't you remember being with Susan?"
Troy looked away, exhaled and began to back away from her. "I really don't like where this conversation is going."
"Hear me out. You were with her. You danced for about half an hour with her. Debbie's parents were gone and we were all over that house. Susan was so stoked about being with you. It was like forbidden fruit. You don't exactly run around with our kind."
"Your kind?" Troy questioned.
"Our group. You know what I mean. She couldn't stop talking about you. I remember that I didn't see you or Susan for at least an hour and by that time it must have been 11:30 or 12.
"So what?"
"You know what I mean Troy."
"No, I don't." Troy said defensively.
"Troy, she told me all about it. She wasn't totally pure. She had a boyfriend through the ninth and tenth grade and she said they got way too involved physically and it ruined their relationship but she never had sex with a guy right after they first met."
"This conversation is boring me. Do you believe everything that people tell you?" Troy said.
"Are you saying that she was just lying to me this? Why would she lie?"
"I'm saying I don't remember what happened that night... But I think I would remember that," Troy replied. He began to walk ahead of Kamden.
Kamden turned him around. She was in tears. "This isn't fun for me either, Troy."
Troy tightened his jaw and raised his voice, "Then why are you doing it? Are you trying to do a documentary on my exploits? I don't think A&E would be interested. Are you trying to say that I had anything to do with Susan wrapping her car around a tree the other night? You've got some kind of imagination, Kamden. That was over six months ago. I never spoke to her again."
That's right! Why didn't you? You just used her up like something temporary... something disposable-"
"I told you I WAS SMASHED!" Troy shouted inches from her face.
Joggers passed by trying to act as if they couldn't hear. Perhaps embarrassed by what looked to be a humiliating spat between a couple.
"There's something you need to know," Kamden said.
"OK. Finally, tell me something, anything that I need to know."
"Susan had the HIV virus."
Troy stared a hole right through her head.
Without any response from Troy, Kamden said it again and then continued her story.
"Susan had the virus."
"How long have you known this?"
"I've found out about it the same time she did," Kamden said.
Troy stood still, physically shaken by the story. He felt lightheaded and a nauseated.
"See, she took it really hard. The news tore her in half. I mean, she lived for a chance to be a leader. She spent days and days working in the D.A.R.E. program. And she had just met a guy from Indiana State- -Cal. Their relationship was so good. He was great for her. Really level-headed..."
"Evidently this Cal guy, wasn't as clean as you two thought."
"They never slept together."
"How do you know?" Troy asked defensively.
"I just know! OK?" Kamden shouted back to him.
"How'd she find out about the AIDS?"
"She had done a lot of research about cancer treatment. She was really into speech and debate. Anyway, she was preparing a speech for a tournament on signing up a bone marrow donor and she wanted to register herself which required a blood test. I went with her a couple of days later. We had just gotten off from school. She said that she wanted to pick up the paperwork. I went into the clinic with her and when they saw that we were there, the doctor called Susan into one of the consultation rooms."
Kamden sat down on another bench and Troy joined her. He didn't say anything. Kamden continued with her emotions barely under the surface, "I sort of knew something was up. She came out and she was devastated. When we got into the car she lost it. And about what? I had no idea. Then she told me. We stayed in that parking lot for at least an hour. She had hope when we were driving home. Maybe this whole thing had some purpose. She was going to tell her mom and dad that night and then she was going to go completely public with it at school. She was going to spend the rest of her life fighting for research and public awareness. And she could have done it too."
Troy sat there stunned at the story he was hearing. Kamden paused for a few seconds and then continued, "About 11 Sunday night she called me and told me that she just emailed me and that it was really important that I retrieve it before I went to bed."
"What did it say?" Troy asked.
She pulled out a folded note from her back pocket and handed it to Troy.

Dearest Kamden,

I beg you to forgive me for what I'm about to do. I hate that you've found yourself caught up in this mess. Tonight I'm going for a ride in which I will never return. I think you can understand why. My parents think I'm a virgin. Cal thinks that I'm a virgin. I've humiliated myself and I can't go on like this. It would hurt too many people. I've seen people die of AIDS before. I've seen their courage. But I can't stand the thought of this virus reducing me to skin and bones. I can't face my parents and tell them I'm HIV positive. I can't go through with it. I'm already weary of it all. I'm weary of life. It's hard to believe that one night last summer could bring so much pain. No one should know about this except you and Troy. Tonight I'll lose control of my car and hopefully no one will see or suspect that I did this intentionally. No one must. I knew it would be too easy for you to put the pieces together. Hopefully the doctors will respect my right to privacy, also. It's very important to me that I take this secret to the grave with me. How I wish that you weren't there when I found out. I could have spared you the suffering of knowing that I did this to myself. You see, there are some things that are more precious to me than life itself. One of those is the legacy I leave behind. I know that this is a terrible act but I see it as my only way out.. There's no hope. I love you, my friend.

S.S.